If you are joining a party finder, be sure to upsell yourself. Using phrases like, ‘3 mistakes and I kick’ or ‘Mistakes will not be tolerated’ is essential to attracting serious players with good attitudes who won’t waste your time. Advertising your party is the key to your success. Always pick parties that are advertised as ‘Trap’ parties as these are ironically your best chance of clearing. A gigantic bulletin board for your server, there’s no better way to meet like-minded people. Tired of vote abandons and waiting 24 hours for a queue to pop? Feel confident in your skills as a player? It might be time to try Party Finder. But don’t worry, this makes it a great place for learning! Worried about your queue time? Waiting for a queue is an excellent time to look up strats to make sure you understand the fight. Occasionally good players queue for fights they’ve beaten years ago, but it’s hard to hear them over the sound of your often incompetent team wiping. Advice in the duty finder falls into two camps: bad and laughable. If your mechanics aren’t sound and you have no idea how to play your class, this is the place for you. Square has in its infinite wisdom put old raid tiers into the general pool of players. Thankfully, Square Enix has several modes of gameplay you can use to get your feet wet. Because of this, it’s hard to find a place in top tier raids before you’ve cleared previous raids. You are going to drop heals, forget to pop a cooldown, or be out-DPSed by your healers, and someone is going to be happy to tell you exactly what you did wrong. How to Survive the ‘Raid Scene’ as a Newbie At some point you might also want to use these buttons to kill the boss, but since parsers aren’t officially allowed, no one will be able to call you out for your subpar DPS unless you join a ‘real’ raid group. You are going to have to learn how to press buttons, what order to press them in, how to use these buttons to not kill your teammates, and how to use these buttons to stay alive. If you want to cut this down, read every guide you can get your hands on, and try not to be too surprised when you still fail a mechanic due to packet loss or tethers that should have been fixed before the fight was ever released. What are mechanics? They’re the reason you will spend more time on the ground than actually fighting the boss in the first few hours of your raid encounter. MMO raids can last upwards of 4 hours, with the very best groups playing for 12 hours straight to maximize their time spent wiping to petty mechanics. Do you sometimes fall off of cliffs in Super Mario or drive off the road in Mario Kart? Do you lose patience after playing a 45 minute MOBA? Raiding might not be for you. Unfortunately, MMOs have a massive learning curve.Įvery raid encounter requires a honed ability to dodge circles on the ground while pressing all of your buttons at once, and hitting the boss in the process. If you read this guide, do research on fights beforehand, and bring food to raid, you can shave some time off that number. You are going to be constantly reminded of how bad you are at the video game for the next 6 months (if you learn). This is Final Fantasy Purgatory, a world where you are perpetually running the chocobo race to win Tidus’s ultimate weapon in Final Fantasy X. This isn’t the Final Fantasy of your childhood. Moogles are no longer cute, chocobos are simply fantasy cars, and the gritty reality of playing a healer is far removed from the clean, sparkling healing spells they cast. *This post is satire, based on Purge’s original ‘Welcome to Dota, You Suck’ guide.
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